August 2022
You’ve probably heard the saying: “The only way out is through.” This has always been a tough one for me to accept because I am not one to sit with feelings. In fact, I have spent most of life trying to avoid feelings. As a result, I became an expert at starving, shopping, overexercising, overworking. Anything really, if it meant I didn’t have to FEEL.
This all came to a crashing halt in 2013 when my Dad passed away. My response to his death was to work 3 jobs, only going home to sleep. I drank. I ran 8 miles a day. I did not grieve and in 2016 had to get treatment for a relapse of an eating disorder I thought was in recovery. In treatment I learned how to let feelings be friends, guides on the journey my life was taking. I learned how to meditate and invite these friends to sit with me and talk with me about what they needed and what they could teach me.
Now, years removed from that experience and many more losses later, including the loss of my Mom, I have really been able to grieve, experience painful feelings and let them teach me. It is of course a work in progress. There are places that I still won’t go and that is okay. I will go there in time and with support.
One thing I have learned in both adversity and in learning how to feel is how to build a solid foundation of support- not just externally but internally as well. I have created a wellness routine that has carried me through all the stress- and has carried me in a healthy way. There are things that bring me peace and joy that are non-negotiables, and nothing else happens until I’ve done them. For me, these non-negotiables are prayer, movement, writing, and connection.
What brings you joy? What fills you up? I encourage you spend some time writing these joyful things down and doing one a day.
What gives you strength? Where do you turn for support? Think about the things and people that build you up and do one thing or connect with one of these people each day.
What are you grateful for? In the darkest times it can be hard to feel gratitude. I have underestimated the power of a gratitude journal. Now, even if all I can come up with is that I woke up today, I am mindful of it. Then in really challenging times I can look back and see all the wonderful things to be grateful for.
How much time do you spend with yourself? I encourage you to spend some quiet time with yourself each day. Meditate, journal, pray- whatever speaks to you. Just get quiet and see what comes. If feelings come, try to let them in however briefly. They really are friends, and they don’t overstay their welcome. They come in, say hi, and head out again. Mostly they just want you to tune in and see what they have to say. You can learn a lot from them, that I know for sure.
If you spend some time with activities like these, you will be well on your way to building a storehouse of resilience that will be an amazing gift day to day and in a crisis.
