February 2022
In building a healthy life, there’s a lot of emphasis placed on learning to love ourselves…but it’s hard to know what that really means, especially if we are struggling with self-confidence. We tend to forget the single most important relationship we have- that is, the relationship we have with ourselves. However, with some specific actions we can begin to feel how nice it is to care for ourselves…and over time it will become a natural, lasting habit.
Deborah Ward, in a 2014 article for Psychology Today, offers three steps to lasting self-love:
1) Care as much about yourself as you do for others. So many of us are people pleasers. We don’t want to rock the boat or hurt anyone’s feelings, plus we genuinely care about others, so we put everyone else’s needs first. There are a couple of problems with this. First, it can burn you out and render you unable to fully engage in your relationships. Second, it hurts you. It leaves you treating yourself second best. Start right now treating yourself like you treat others: with respect and compassion.
2) Maintain your boundaries. This can be SO hard to do, and yet is SO essential to self-esteem. Start by making a list of things you need and are important to you. You will know when you aren’t getting your needs met, because it hurts. When you go to a friend to talk about something that is important to you and you are ignored or dismissed, it stings. It makes you feel insignificant. It may make you feel sad or angry to be treated this way. That is your sign that it’s time to let your needs be known! Working on assertiveness skills, you will begin to be able to set boundaries, express your needs effectively, and put an end to relationships with people who don’t respect your needs.
3) Do what you need to do to be you. Do things that make you feel good. It’s really that simple. Of course, not everything is going to feel good all the time. But figure out the things that bring you joy and do them, as often as you possibly can. Take the time to play with your dog, take a walk in the sunshine, care for your plants, engage in stress-relieving activities.
Make time for YOU. It is not selfish to do so. In fact, it will fill you up, give you more confidence, and make you better able to be present in your relationships.
You deserve just as much love and attention as anyone else on this earth. Make a vow to take a journey to self-esteem. It will be well worth it and may even bring you a lifetime of self-love to enjoy.
Ward, D (2014). 3 Ways to Love Yourself. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com
